fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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