I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
