she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
