hotel room ftw
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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