Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
