I wanna passion pit in your ass
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
