i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
