shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
