I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
