So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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