Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
