So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
