There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
