Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
