remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there was a trapeze. enough said
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
