Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
