i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
