a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
