Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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