I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
