So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
