You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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