That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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