He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
please come you make the beer taste better
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
