I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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