Actions speak louder than pants.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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