Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
