My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
