So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
