Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
