The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
