Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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