Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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