she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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