it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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