Michael Bay diarrhea
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
