The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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