All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
