he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
