Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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