im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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