you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
