did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Screwed.edu
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
