Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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