My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
