So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't deserve a penis
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
