if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
