I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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