We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
