I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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