I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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