How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
and you fell through a lawn chair
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
