This girl is more easily done than said...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
