Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
