At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize